What If You Tried A Dating Process?
Dating Involves Someone Else's Emotions
Dating is not a sport; an activity you have to hone your skills to get good at. If you haven't figured out by now, relationships can create overwhelming joy and fulfillment., we were designed for it! but when they breakdown, can cause UNBEARABLE devastation! Ignoring this statement still leads to piles of emotional pain. You already know that.Instead of winging it emotionally, why not add a little logic and reasoning to it. The key starting point is answering the question, why are you dating?
PLEASE! Don't start dating until you know why you're dating - know the purpose, the goal and you've done your emotinal health 'homework'.
Let me propose a 14 Step Dating Process - What if you took an approach like this:
Step #1: Visual interest - attraction - photos online - something catches your eye - you're not a blind person - where the prequalification begins. It's where it usually begins.
Step #2: You begin to interact - email/text - prequalification of mutual interest - phone call to hear the voice. Increase your comfort level and interest.
Step #3: You agree to do a meet-'n-greet - 'makin' a new friend', you're not deciding if they are marriage material - find out if it mutually confirms #1 and #2 - is there chemistry? See potential? (60 lbs. more than your photos probably not going to work.)
Step #4: You agree to 2nd meet-'n-greet? Is there potential? This is a key step because you're moving out of the 'rule-out' and moving to see does this have the potential to work.
Step #5: A real date - pick her up, open the door. Showing value. Let him open the door. Read “Passion vs Lust” - do you understand the difference?
Step #6: Phone conversations to get to know each other - are you discovering what's important to you? Trade-offs? You'll take this seriously if you're pursuing the 'Promised Land'
Step #7: Communication expectations - create a flow, keeping in mind the majority are dealing with a root of rejection and/or the feeling you're just not good enough - subconsciously.
Step #8: Go for walks together - discuss life's experiences, fears, hopes for the future - what made you who you are today, good, or bad. Are they emotionally available? Can you connect emotionally?
Step #9: Are things lining up? Issues to discuss, not necessarily right here, but at some point. Sure, you can let you past fears take control, but you'll never get to the promised land that way. Are you building towards the goal – The Promised Land?
Step #10: Any relationship killers? - Tell me about your last relationship(s). Have you created a safe zone to discuss these things?
Step #11: Prioritize each other - dating to me isn't about finding the perfect person (selfish thinking) but someone who gets you and accepts you. Agree on a commitment level. Ultimate friendships. The 3 most important words a man wants to hear. Hint: It's not "I love you"
Step #12: Be open and emotionally honest - where ya at spiritually? Not sure what emotional honesty is? Find out, you're 'messing' with someone else's heart.
Step #13: Any deal breakers or issues you need to work through with genuine loveImagine getting to the point where you could say to each other “what changes could I make to become closer”? After divorce or several failed relationships and you still are hoping for a rest-of-your-life relationship, you’ll find yourself in a situation of trying to put together two objects with lots of jagged edges. Acknowledge that.
Step #14: Building a relationship with your best friend in all situations - it's easy to have a great relationship if it's based on fun, entertainment etc. It becomes 'rich' when you can go through the rough times (the things life throws your way) and maintaining the emotional connection.